Tallmadge, Ohio – Summit Racing unveiled today a new “Discreet Delivery” service option that allows packages to arrive clandestinely to your home—without alerting your significant other.

big stack of cardboard boxes in garage
(Image/OnAllCylinders)

“This is a great way for enthusiasts to finish their projects quicker,” reports Cameron Sheft, the Summit Racing Discreet Delivery logistics coordinator. “After all, who has time to explain the contents of every package to your friends or any other concerned party.”

Packages shipped via the Summit Racing Discreet Delivery service arrive under the cover of darkness, with deliveries typically occurring between two and three am. Parcels are transported on inconspicuous delivery vans and each driver is fully trained in stealth infiltration tactics.

white delivery van
“We challenge you to find a more inconspicuous method of transport,” says Sheft. “In fact, we have trouble finding these vans in our own loading docks—that’s how much we’re inconspicuousing around here.” (Image/OnAllCylinders)

When a customer chooses the Discreet Delivery option, their order is packaged in plain ordinary boxes, with special exterior markings that help further enhance their inconspicuous-ness.

Customers can choose from a range of messaging that’s been thoroughly tested and proven not to raise any suspicion from curious onlookers.

married box
Shhhhh, no one’s the wiser here. (Image/OnAllCylinders)

For extra clandestine jobs, there’s also a customizable option that allows Summit Racing shoppers to personalize their parcels—easily enough to sneak these packages into a garage or shop without raising any eyebrows.

Personalized Discreet Box
Touché Brian, touché. (Image/OnAllCylinders)

The Summit Racing Discreet Delivery service also includes messaging options intended to ward-off nosy neighbors or anyone else who wants to hang out and “help” with your project car.

In other words, these boxes will keep your garage clear of any freelance shop managers with questionable expertise in vehicle engineering.

stay away boxes on doorstep
“There has been significant demand for a delivery service that doesn’t attract lookey-loos,” Sheft explains. “We’ve found that these methods are equally effective at preventing visits from HOA board members too.” (Image/OnAllCylinders)

Summit Racing also teased plans for a white-glove courier service that delivers your orders in special packages designed by top-level luxury brands like Michael Kors and Louis Vuitton. With this proposed boutique delivery option, Summit Racing team members carefully stuff tools, auto parts, and other shop essentials into specialized shipping bags.

tools in a purse with flowers
“Sure, we give up a degree of secrecy with this level of service,” Sheft explains. “But recipient favorability has been off-the-charts during our early testing.” (Image/OnAllCylinders)

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boxes stacked in front of a saturn sky coupe
(Image/OnAllCylinders)

CLEETUS Discreet Delivery

For those who require extra-fast discreet delivery, we also now offer the upgraded “CLEETUS Discreet Delivery” featuring Blueprint Engines 632 big block-powered delivery vans. These special delivery vehicles are geared up to deliver your parts so fast (and under a haze of smoke) that no one will even no how your packages got there!

Check out the prototype below!

If you’ve read this far, hopefully you realize that this is a not-so-elaborate April Fool’s Day prank.

Summit Racing hopes to launch the Discreet Delivery and CLEETUS Discreet Delivery options by April 9, 2024, unless something unusual happens, like a total solar eclipse or other rare celestial event—but what are the odds of that happening, right?

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Regardless, Summit Racing will continue to offer blazing-fast shipping and the industry’s lowest prices—and that’s no joke.

Keywords
April Fools, April Fools Day
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Author: OnAllCylinders Staff