Fathers are renowned for their advice.

Some of it good. Some of it not so good. Some of it not so repeatable.

Each Father’s Day, we ask you to share your dad’s best car-related advice. This year, we got some solid, sound advice as well as beer-induced head-scratchers and rage-fueled rants. We extracted the best advice (that we could print here) to create our 3rd Annual Dad’s Advice Awards.

 

Best Practical Advice Award (Tie)

“Start at the cheapest part and work your way up to the expensive one. Oh and a lawn chair and sweet tea are necessities for good supervision.” —Cole B.

“Son, when you have a mechanical problem always work from the easiest task first. 9 out of 10 times you will find the problem without tearing the machine completely apart!” —Brett R.

“There is a wrench for every bolt! Cresent wrenches are for farm repairs.” —Rick M.

“Use a vacuum hose to hand tighten spark plugs before using a ratchet.” —Nick B.

“Use an open palm when loosening or tightening bolts so you don’t smash your knuckles if the socket slips off.” —Ken B.

“The only substitute for cubic inches is cubic dollars.” —Mark M.

Well, not quite.

Well, not quite.

The MC Hammer Award

“All else fails, get a bigger hammer… And if that don’t work read the directions.” Cecil M.

 

The Lot Shots Award

“Anything is legal in a parking lot!” —Brandon H.

 

Quagmire_by_iKapowThe Glenn Quagmire Award (Giggity)

“Slow down so the girls can see ya!” —Terry S.

“Don’t show off for less than three chicks!” —James C.

 

The Best Comeback Award (Tandem)

“Always drive a Ford. Better advice could not have been given.” — Durrance J.

“Maybe if you’re attracted to tow truck drivers.” —Clint D. (in response to Durrance J.)

 

old-guyThe Stinkiest Advice Award

“Don’t lift ’til you crap your pants and don’t brake ’til you smell it.” —Joshua K.

 

The Sad But True Award

“Fast, cheap, reliable… pick two.” —Gary H.

 

The “Not That I’d Know” Award

“Don’t get your shirt stuck in the fan when it’s running.” —John N.

 

The No Fear Award (Tie)

“Don’t worry, that beating in your chest is not fear. It’s your heart matching the rev of the engine.” —Darian S.

“Fear is a temporary. Regret lasts forever.” —Cody B.

 

The “He Said, She Said” Award (Tie)

“Don’t ever buy a Dodge. In the dictionary it says ‘try to avoid.'” —Brian G.

Mopar… pay more… get more.” —Gary H.

Buy only GM.” —Eric L.

Don’t buy a GM.” —Cory G.

 Don’t ever buy a Ford!!!” —Greg H.

Buy a Ford, son!” —Matt S.

confucius589The “Confucious Says” Award (aka Best Advice from a Fortune Cookie)

“Father-in-law said ‘Drive like Lightning, Crash like Thunder (this was right after I wrecked my ’72 Torino).” —Rick D.

The 20/20 Hindsight Award

Should’ve listened.” —Tom M.

There were probably many, but my dumba– never listened!” —Eddie B.

 

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Author: David Fuller

David Fuller is OnAllCylinders' managing editor. During his 20-year career in the auto industry, he has covered a variety of races, shows, and industry events and has authored articles for multiple magazines. He has also partnered with mainstream and trade publications on a wide range of editorial projects. In 2012, he helped establish OnAllCylinders, where he enjoys covering all facets of hot rodding and racing.